winter

(no subject)

"I had nothing to offer anyone except my own confusion."

Jack Kerouac, On the Road




Its not that I have not been writing. I have been writing much more than I usually do, only that it is in my paper journal.

That quote above sums up everything I feel right now.
winter

(no subject)

The leaves have begun shedding their green coat in favor of a brilliant gold. My days have been spent falling into university routine, coupled with moments of total randomness and endless table conversations. At the moment, I have two friends staying with the boy and I and I have realized that with them, the days pass much faster and there is much more laughter around the house. Its especially nice to have friends around as the temperature outside dips.

There's a lot more wistfulness these days. Perhaps it has something to do with the way fall brings with it a sort of melancholy that makes me want to forget school and assignments and readings and just pack my bags and head out to write, to feel, to live, to be. I miss writing, I miss feeling. It seems as if there is a part of me that has been hidden for so long, it wants to break out and scream for freedom.

Yesterday we set out for the beaches and sat on the rocks, watching the waters lap at the shore. The wind was blustery and cold but it was gorgeous. While staring out at the endless blue waters, I forget about all the people walking on the boardwalk and the children running on the sand. Staring out at the waters, there is only a sense of rich self-awareness and of tranquility, a kind of peace rarely felt, a moment of stillness so rarely experienced. I wish I had a camera with me, to capture the faces of the people there with me; the way their faces were smoothed of any worries and the way the sunlight carressed their skin with a golden glow.

***


The Toronto International Film Festival is finally over and there were some films which really hit me hard. Sean Penn's Into the Wild left and inedible impact on me and made me reconsider the different priorities in life. If happiness is indeed best experienced when shared, there is the need to let those close to you know how much they matter. To those who don't already know, I love you all.
winter

(no subject)

No. I'm not lost. I'm now back in Toronto and have been spending my time tripping and blazing. The summer is slowly but surely slipping away and there's so many things left undone.

It is still a little strange to be back. It feels like a totally different life and Singapore is just a distant memory. I want to travel and walk till my feet touch the seas.

p.s. kel, come soon!
  • Current Music
    here with me - dido
winter

(no subject)

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

Leo Tolstoy


These days, I begin to question things about me that I otherwise would never. Like how deserving am I really of my life as it is now. And it does hurt to learn that people often misunderstand who you really are and to realise that they have been seeing you in a completely different light all this time. Maybe its time for me to just stop caring.
  • Current Music
    you can't always get what you want - the rolling stones
winter

(no subject)

There are times when you just feel so small and nothing else matters. There are times when you just want to tell the people around you that you love them. There are times when words aren't enough. There are words, and then there are stories to tell.
  • Current Music
    back to you - john mayer
winter

(no subject)

Its a rainy Wednesday afternoon with showers expected to last through the day. A three day school week and I'm still exhausted, my thoughts constantly wandering to the unfinished essays and unread books. September whispers goodbye and October annouces its arrival with rain. 9 more days before the boyfriend arrives and for some atrange reason, the closer it gets to the day, the more I miss him.

Usually I'll have much more to say but I'm tired and have an essay to do before I go off to a lecture on Plato's The Republic.

Oh Plato, I can't decide if you're a facist or a communist.
  • Current Music
    strawberry fields - john lennon
winter

(no subject)

Its going to be a very busy two weeks with one midterm and three papers on the 17th. My days are going to be filled with cups of coffee and much banging away at the laptop till everything's over. And then I plan to reward myself by going to Gap.

13 more days till the boyfriend is here!
  • Current Music
    jazz triping - lords of acid